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That couldn’t possibly be right! No no and NO. I am much to messed up to be delighted in.  

Uh, actually, yes yes and YES.

I had a longish conversation with my “boss” at Urban Vision, just about things I was struggling with and stuff that way. I remember though, we arrived at the conclusion that I really over-evaluate myself too much. I’m always studying my actions, my motives, judging myself and quite frankly, not letting God have His say. {Really, it’s prideful to think we could take God’s place in our lives.} At some point in the conversation, when I was utterly failing at understanding God’s unconditional love, my boss asked honestly, “Is God happy with Michelle right now?”

I will admit in all honesty, I cried. I looked at all the things I decided were wrong with myself and decided God couldn’t quite be happy with me. Love me, of course. But be happy with me? DELIGHT in me?

Yes yes and yes.

I posted a while back about how I struggle with fear so much. Really, I’m too afraid to hear God say that He kind of enjoys me *gasp*… so I judge myself by my standards.

I thought of how my personality at UV has changed since I started working there regularly in September 2010. I’m not as quiet as I used to be; one of my favorite things in the whole world is to have really loud Christian rap music going on while I have 3 conversations all at the same time and try to teach a crash course on guitar. With teenagers, mind you. {I’m being transformed!} From playing pranks {and really enjoying them; have YOU ever made a chili pepper pancake and served it to your incredible brother while he’s playing chess – the ideal time to get him off guard?} to messing around with my siblings to getting Sharpie “tattoos” from my brothers, my personality is really different.

“God couldn’t possibly delight in me anymore. I have too much fun at Urban Vision and I don’t feel like I’m really serving God when I’m there and..and…”

Whatever dip decided to tell me that serving God couldn’t be tons of fun is, well, a dip. As only the Enemy can be.

I have read again and again through 1 John, where John writes that loving God=obeying His commands. And the second greatest command is to love your neighbor as yourself. My boss pointed out, what do I think it would look like if my heart was REALLY in the right place? Truth to be told, if we’re judging our hearts by our own standards then we’re pretty self-centered.

Well, anyway. This all isn’t to say that when we see sin our lives, we should ignore it. Because it’s the Holy Spirit who convicts us {which is true conviction, not an Enemy-produced guilt burst}, and it’s unbiblical to intentionally harbor sin. I’ll end with a quote from a play I’m in at Urban Vision. This is after I steal vegetables from the man {it’s for the kids!}:

Man: Well, then, let me say this – I am willing to extend to you either mercy or grace. Which is your desire?

Miriam: Are they not the same thing, sir?

Man: They are not, my lady.

Miriam: Then please explain what mercy grants.

Man: If I were to endow mercy, you would be completely forgiven for taking my vegetables.

Miriam: {Seems relieved} then this is what I most desire.

Man: Perhaps, yet you will hear the matter of grace. Should I extend grace, you would be invited to come and gather any vegetables from my garden that you like at any time you like. It would be as if you were a member of my family with all the rights of the daughter.

Narrator: Miriam marveled at the gifts offered to her. She knew that she did not deserve the man’s kindness and yet she longed in equal measure for both mercy and grace.

Miriam: Sir, I do not deserve either mercy or grace. I should claim in all honesty that I am in no way deserving of the rights of a family member. Still, I could not return home with a pure heart without an equal measure of both.

Man: My dear child, you shall indeed have both – Mercy and Grace. For in my mercy I will not exact a punishment that you justly deserved, and in my grace I will give to you what can never be earned. Will you accept my gift?

He loved us when we weren’t His followers. And He could never love us more than He does right now… which is the love that sacrificed His Son for our ransom :). He delights in you. Yes, yes, and yes.

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